When clients are stuck, they often get caught up in asking “why” questions: “Why is this happening to me? Why now?” While these questions are natural and understandable, they can keep clients stuck in a cycle of complaining and blaming.
In guiding clients from asking “why” questions to “what” questions, we can help them move from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment and action.
Here’s how this shift might look in practice:
- Acknowledge the difficulty: “I understand this is a tough situation, and it’s natural to wonder why it’s happening.”
- Introduce the shift: “Now that we’ve explored those feelings, I’m wondering if we could look at this from a different angle.”
- Ask “what” questions, such as:
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- “What are your options moving forward?”
- “What do you need to move forward?”
- “What resources are available to you?”
These “what” questions help clients focus on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past. They encourage problem-solving and action-taking.
The key is to be sensitive to when your client is ready to make this shift. If you sense they’re still deeply emotional about the situation, it might be too early to move to “what” questions. However, once you feel they’ve had sufficient time to express their feelings, introducing this shift can be incredibly powerful.
As coaches, our role is to help clients navigate difficult situations and find ways to move forward into action. By moving from “why” to “what,” we help our clients regain a sense of control over their situations. Instead of feeling like victims of circumstance, they can start to see themselves as active participants in shaping their futures.
This technique of shifting questions is a small tweak that can yield significant results. It’s not about ignoring the past or the reasons behind a situation, but rather about focusing energy on what can be done now and in the future.
Shifting from What to Who